Should I Stay or Leave My Marriage? A Real Talk Guide to Moving Through the In-Between

Nov 24

Takeaway: When your marriage feels “not bad enough to leave, but not good enough to stay,” it’s not indecision, it’s a signal. There’s still room to work with, if you’re both willing to show up and change the dynamic.

If you’re waking up most mornings with that quiet ache in your chest wondering if this is just what marriage becomes or if something’s genuinely broken, I want to say this clearly: I’ve sat across from so many women in your exact spot. You’re not overreacting. You’re not being too sensitive. And no, you’re not expecting too much. This is hard. And it’s real.

When you’re in that 51% good, 49% “not so good” kind of relationship, it can feel paralyzing. You have a rhythm, a home, maybe kids. From the outside, it works. Inside, you feel the space growing between you and your partner. There’s no screaming. No betrayal. But there’s also no warmth. No affection. No curiosity. Just roommates who manage the calendar and the dishwasher.

In my conversation with Andrea Dindinger, a fellow couples therapist, we unpacked this place, this limbo that so many people quietly sit in. The takeaway? Indecision isn’t always avoidable. Sometimes it’s the beginning of an honest reckoning.

The Real Reasons This Question Lingers

It’s not just about the dishes left in the sink or who forgot to text back. It’s the meaning underneath. When your needs go ignored whether that’s physical touch, quality time, or shared responsibilities, it chips away at your sense of connection. Over time, those unmet needs form a loop. A cycle. One that, if unaddressed, creates silence where there used to be intimacy.

Andrea, shared one surprising but powerful marker: a partner’s scent. If someone can’t stand how their partner smells, it often points to deeper emotional disconnection. Not because hygiene suddenly disappeared, but because resentment, burnout, or neglect has taken over.

Before You Decide, Ask the Right Questions

Here’s what I often help clients walk through when they’re asking, Should I stay or leave my marriage?

Are you still willing to try? If you’re even asking this question, there’s usually something inside you that’s still hopeful. That still wants to fix it, if it can be fixed. That’s worth exploring.
Have you said what you need out loud? Not hinted. Not complained. But clearly asked. Whether it’s more affection, accountability, or shared effort, your clarity matters.
Are you both open to help? Therapy is not just for couples in crisis. It’s for couples who still care enough to try. And yes, doing the work is hard. But no-growth is harder in the long run.
What would actually change if you left? Divorce changes the logistics of your life but not the internal patterns that got you here. If you're not addressing those now, they’ll just follow you into the next relationship.

What Staying Can Still Look Like

If both partners are willing, the “gray area” of your marriage doesn’t have to mean the end. Sometimes, the best work comes when things are just okay but no longer fulfilling. With real conversations, consistent accountability, and a shift in how each of you shows up, something better can begin.

There’s No Deadline on Clarity

If you’re still in this uncertain, tired, maybe fantasizing about what it would feel like to just not care anymore, your clarity doesn’t need to come quickly. It needs to come honestly.

The goal isn’t to rush to leave or force yourself to stay. The goal is to understand what’s been missing, what’s still possible, and what it would really take to make either path worth it.

Whatever you choose, you deserve to feel respected, seen, and emotionally safe.

And if you’re not sure what that looks like yet, that’s okay.

Keep listening. Keep asking the hard questions. Keep showing up for yourself.

I go into more detail about what this work looks like, how to move from stuck to clear in this episode of Thoughts from the Couch. You can listen to the full conversation here.

MEET THE AUTHOR

Justine Carino

Justine is a licensed mental health counselor with a private practice in White Plains, NY. She helps teenagers, young adults and families struggling with anxiety, depression, family conflict and relationship issues. Justine is also the host of the podcast Thoughts From the Couch.

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Should I Stay or Leave My Marriage? A Real Talk Guide to Moving Through the In-Between

Feeling torn between staying in your marriage or walking away? You’re not alone. Many women find themselves in relationships that feel “not bad enough to leave, but not good enough to feel connected.” This in-between space can be confusing, emotional, and deeply isolating — but it’s also a signal. When the partnership is 51% good and 49% painful, the lack of clarity isn’t a flaw; it’s a sign there’s still something left to explore.

In this guide, we unpack the real reasons this question lingers — the unmet needs, the emotional disconnection, and the silent cycles that slowly erode closeness. Couples therapist insights (including one surprisingly powerful marker: your partner’s scent) reveal how emotional distance shows up long before a major rupture ever does.

Before making a decision, learn the essential questions every couple should ask, what staying can realistically look like, and why clarity comes from intentional reflection — not rushing. Whether you’re seeking hope, direction, or reassurance, this guide offers grounded steps toward emotional clarity and relational safety.

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